It's a blunderful life...

Waiting on news... spoke with John, the attorney representing WalMart and gave him a 24hour offer of $20K to settle with Wally World. That would be nice, to get 20 grand in a week's time. That would set in motion the move to get out of Jacksonville and get my farm, and right so much of what is wrong. Money only solves what you make it solve, so there is much more to work on, and there will be no splurging with it either. It is almost all earmarked to set up life so it does work.
Besides what I want for myself, the most important things are what I provide and build for Alex and Judy. Judy doesn't get a penny until she stops smoking, which I imagine will piss her off to no end, but that is the deal. I will have the luxury of time and resources to work on Alex, get him in situations that will bring him back out of his anger and defiance. I understand why he is like he is, he feels shortchanged, but he was spoiled, and got too many free passes, and I will assert the firm hand and have the resources to be able to invest more time in him, and fix what I think went wrong.
I put down law and Judy gives in trying to make deals that never get enforced, and Alex needs a firm hand that she just doesn't have the ability or will to apply.
That is why men have the roles they do, and why the "freedom" and "power" women assert, I think, came upon society too fast for us to adjust. There are too many single parent families, so kids miss out on the balance men and women create. Everyone is so hung up on their "personal space" and "freedom" that they all, men and women, became self-centered flakes or twisted think that 'time-outs' can replace a good ass spanking when it is needed. Kids need limits, and need a boot in their asses when they get disrespectful. Time-outs suck, because it mitigates repercussions that are a natural part of life. As a result, there is so little respect from person to person.
But I am the unusual one, being so liberal in some views and so conservative in others. I am a Unitarian that believes in God and a democrat that believes in being a fiscal conservative. I accept a woman's right to choose but hate the idea of abortion, and like the idea of a modified flat tax. Maybe I'll start my own political party and call it the Pragmatists....
Sarah came over and worked and only got four pills for 3 hours work. But then again, if that seems like low pay, where the fuck is my wallet, and Judy's pills?
She needs away from Chris and his mother and all the drug heads selfish waste fucks that hang out over there, and if she does get away I think she'd transform. Judy and her could fix things wrong in each other because they are so alike in so many ways, and work well off each other, and everyone under one roof would make a healthy house. But I have said that over and over. That I see as the best way to fix things, but the main focus I have is on Alex, then my wife, then that life, and whatever may fit into it and enhance it.
But I am tired and need a bath.....so I pause...
....and I'm back. Judy and I made love again, and we're back to decent sex. It is really good for her, but not enough for me. I just want more than a fuck and a nut. I want some chow time, and I like it at least twice, because after my first creaming I always have the urge to get the rest expressed. It's like milking a cow halfway. The cow is like..."empty this shit out of me, p-p-pleaseeeee".
I wake up at 4 am stiff and throbbing and I guess it like builds up like pressure on a bladder or something. So if a man like me, not happy unless he gets honestly drained nightly, has a woman who wants just a flirt and a squirt and is done, well she has a duty to make sure I am satisfied at least 1 out of 3 tuimes the way I want it, or she herself should be finding someone for me to finish the job or take care of me...
So I want that to be (that being lovemaking and sexual release and fulfillment that my wife has never really addressed) to be taken care of not by random strangers or secret lovers, but to share myself and give myself to someone I like or love, and that is what Judy should be recognizing and doing. Yeah, there are surely some others who could take care of that aspect as well, and if that is released I am at peace, content, happy, motivated, chipper, satisfied, and feeling appreciated and taken care of. It hits a reset button in me and nothing bad bothers me so bad. Even my physical pains seem to vanish. It it makes me healthy, then it needs to be done, and I don't want to lose my wife just because she refuses to give me sexual satisfaction on my terms.
"I know you are hungry, but here are some scraps. Granted they will not make your hunger go away, but it is just enough food to keep you from starving. Your hunger pains you just have to live with, just be thankful they are tasty. Now swallow it so quickly that you barely get a taste and worship me for giving you a single bite of food once a week or so...."
what the fuck!
Hey, if someone comes along with food you will eat, and if someone has a favorite food of yours, even better. I live in that hunger and thirst. I have used other pleasures to compensate, like real food, which has had worse effects. I intend to get my fill from time to time. That means I might still experience that hunger, but it also means that when I can feast sometimes, then no one better say "you can't eat" when they are hoarding a feast and letting it spoil.

I love this, when a thought flashes a song.....
How Soon Is Now by the Cure

I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen "now"
well, when exactly do you mean?
see I've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does