Sometimes I'm happy, but mostly not. I don't like how life has evolved, where I live, and too often I have the worst partner in a wife that I ever thought I ever could most of the time. Judy is all talk and might have good intentions, but for the most part she is the thing on the couch that is either bitching, complaining that others need to do her jobs, bitching or pity-potting about being sick, or making some sort of stupid excuse as to why the house is such a nasty place. She needs to get her digestive system fixed, but whenever I talk about her getting surgery she throws up a denial wall. After that eventually gets fixed she might stay well enough to get past her depression and the sickness that controls her.
I love what is good in her and hate the rest. There is no effort out of this woman to make life better, just talk and excuses, and it has worn me down and stolen my happiness and is now hurting my son's future, because she has damaged him by how she is.
So how do I fix everything? The first step is for this bitch to do what I say and how I say to do it and to try to grow a brain in the process. I have been right about everything, and I have suffered because i stuck it out and tried to do the right thing. I deserve a wife who at least tries to make a good life for those she says she loves, but this doesn't always feel like love, it feels like need.
She loves me, but it is on her terms with conditions and she is covertly vindictive when things are not her way.
She reminds me of those creatures clinging to the ribs of the ghost of Christmas Past. The minimum just doesn't cut it, neither does being mostly celibate, and having her interject at all the wrong times, or her blunders and stupidity. Her stupidity has set us back all too often, but she'll never deny it.
And when she acts like she can do better, that just kills me. In what reality?
I want out of this house, yesterday, and I refuse to spend another dollar on it, and if the foreclosure about to fall on us goes on me when it needs to be on just her, I will wig. You can't tie someone's legs up and expect them to walk.
I do love her, but there are times, when I think of the past, the betrayals, the bullshit, that I hate her more. I must be the eternal optimist to stay. But she has no right to any kind of say-so in anything as to how I live or what I do, not until she is a contributing partner. It suck to love someone who doesn't give you what you need in life or love.