TLC and the Anatomy

TLC had some sex related shows on last night. Two were on pologamy, the first dealing with happy and functional mormons, but the girl doing that documentary (some English chick) had a good point. They keep seperate beds and rotate and she said what she wants is to have her lover sleeping with her at night, so their lifestyle was a great communial thing, but was lacking. She's traveling the world doing documentaries on how men and women have relationships around the world.

I have to agree with her. But I'm unusual among men and people. I think, for me anyway, the mariage(s) and relationship(s) should be open. I don't mind having my companion lover having sex without me as long as she brings her love, and herself, on home to me, and I'd like an open bed, where the women I love sleep with me together, and if we all agree and bring in outside people, even other men, that we all share and remember that sex is sex and love is love and sex can be an expression of lust, passion, or love and companionship and friendship. The mormons usually sleep alone or go on some schedule, and that does breed jealousy, which is something I detest with every fiber of my soul.

The second show was on a guy in Texas with two wives who sought out a third. After years and years of a happy home he met another girl in college and kind of forced her into his home. Stupid and greedy, the second wife and the potential third didn't get along, and he wound up divorced in the long run. He had it made. The first two wives accepted the relationship that way and were happy and content, but some guys just get stupid or greedy I guess. If I had two beautiful wives who were friends I would be thankful I had two women who loved me who I loved. If a third happened along, it would have to be them who wanted to expand it, but three would have to be the limit, and we would all have to care for, respect, and like each other, and there would be no rotation of "who gets the man" bullshit. Sex should flow like water or waves or clouds, without pressures or expectations. They put sex and sleeping on a schedule and had seperate rooms, and that is the mistake. And if one of my wives or lovers wanted to bring in another guy and loved him the same thing should apply. Women have equal rights in almost everything in my eyes.

But I do honestly think people should live in a tribe/pack setting, that it is more natural. I think an alpha male running things works best, and that the women should run the home and motivate and assist the man as he ventures out to provide, and that the man should do the same for any of his wives who want to work. The women should help each other run the house and give the man some responsibility and jobs, and everything should be decided by consensus and council.

Maybe I'm an idealist and want some kind of utopia, but the only thing that prevents people from having that is ourselves. You love because you love, and we can't always choose who we love, we just do, but there has to be respect and the ability for companionship there. Friendship needs to be working, with respect.
And the person I want to be my best friend treats me like an enemy all the time, no matter how much I try to get her to just be accepting and carefree.

When there are people giving of themselves with the most consideration going to partners than ourselves, like magic 1+1=3. You get more than both put in together.

Even more is possible if passionate lover/friend/companions share everything, are always considering each other, and put in real effort to be and live happy for themselves and each other. You have to really love yourself before you can love and give honestly to others you claim to love, and when everyong is working together dreams and happiness are easier to attain.

And women working together, like Sarah and Judy do, function better. Men I think are more solitary, and women can entertain each other. Men and women often fight because women want ever detail about everything discussed and understood, which it can't be, and men make quick, logical and simple decisions, and don't need to talk a thing to death. So women who are friends and can share and both love a man, and maybe each other, compliment and enhance each other, and compensate for what they may lack. Men can do that, but too often it gets old fast for them. If more women who would be lovers in a more sexual and perfect world would share their men, because women who are friends usually like the same kind of guy, and one big bed had the relaxing satisfaction of embracing and melding into each other more people whould stay married longer, and the more monagonous marriages that allowed for a little extramarital vacations every now and then, there would be less divorces.

I don't think we were designed to be stuck with one person forever and ever, and that it is healthy to let a little steam off, because there gets to be resentment when that gets denied. Yeah, the guy was stupid, because even though his first two wives were content with their relationship for years, if they were open enough to all be in one bed every night there would be so many less problems.

Okay, the third show was on the anatomy of sex, where they went into all the physical things that happen to us during and because of sex. How when early primates stood up we started looking at each other face to face, so genitals moved from behind to around front, especially in women, and how the body and brain and it all acts and reacts. And I even learned something, that a soft dick is tense, and it is only when the muscles relax that it becomes thick with blood. Yup, already knew how sex swells lips and clits and all... They had a couple lie entwined and joined in an MRI machine for 13 minutes to get a detailed look at how it looks and what happens. I really wanted to watch these shows with Judy, but she is just so bitter and closed minded.
I guess I do dwell on sex, but I love it and think it is a beautiful expression of life and that if more people in the world were like me we'd all be too busy making love to each other to have time to war or steal or do bad.
And sex to me also doesn't have to involve genitals. I love touch and to be held and caressed.
Maybe I have a deep animal side, which is why I can sense scents and it gets me arroused.
Sarah told me again that she thinks about being with me, but because of how Judy is and because they became friends, and because of how Chris keeps watch on her, and hounds her, and because she's afraid she'll tell him, and even though she doesn't say it, my age maybe has something to do with it... maybe that's why we haven't yet, that and she has four girls, Judy is always home, and we never really have time alone... But we both know if we were both single there would be something there, and I keep suggesting it to Judy, because it would be healthy for her.
They both actually do better, are happier, and function better when they are spending time together. They compliment and fit each other, which is the best aspect of sister wives. A best friend you can actually share everything with> I think anyone would be stupid not to see, want, or take that path.
And Amanda was over today, sad as usual. Josh dumped her and I think he did her a favor. She's hurt, but better off, and she was crying because she is alone and doesn't want to have a baby alone or be alone.
Despite the age, and damn the age between us, she'd be a great lover. I don't think I'd be looking for a life in lover if she and I were together, but she'd maybe be open to swing and play together in time, and man if I could turn back time and produce the 20 year old me she'd fall so deeply in love with me, it would be like Julie all over again. She has so much of that awareness and passion about things. Judy has the awareness but not the passion and Sarah has the passion but not the understanding or awareness, and neither one the motivation to be the "activist" mate that I always needed in my life, but Amanda does. Judy could have it, does in some ways, but lacks motivation or commitment. But with Amanda, all she lacks is experience, but not enough motivation or passion, much like Judy. I hope she gets to keep that and doesn't lose it, like many women do, like Judy did before she even met me. Different women fit different aspects, and very rare it is one women that can fit more or all. I don't think any can fit them all, and I wouldn't want that. I want someone who will be as willing to fight with me as agree, but always do both with consideration, love, and respect.
Julie, Bethany, Amanda, Ginny, early Lori (she changed, man she changed)(funny, she has some of Judy's traits that I don't like), Shari, Sarah.... Michele....Chloe, Grace, Alice, Christine... even Barbra. Judy I wish I could just put the best aspects of them in her, and I could have done much worse. Judy has so many of those aspects, but they sit un-used and un-lived. Maybe much of it might be geographical as well, and social because. The Southern mindset is repressive.
But that's what I'd pick in order, just about. And Judy is unique in a way because she has the ability to have them or has those aspects within her, but always unexpressed and it is like a waste, like an artist that refuses to use good brushes and paints on a big, blank canvas.

Diana lost her dogs, and man that hurts even me. Now she would have been another woman that would of been fun to meet when I was younger, but like the title of this journal.... Fucked by 20-30 years..... you learn what fits best later in life.
Yeah, I want a mate that fits me and wants me to fit her and will meet me on equal terms as a true partner....
Maybe that's why I feel so fucked. I just have to keep remembering I have a son to think about and a duty to him. It's like my real happiness, what I need for me, has to stay on hold. And it shouldn't have to wait, when it could be right there right now with the woman I love.
Maybe I'll find that "die in your arms" love again. Maybe that will happen with Judy again. Maybe she might see it one day, but she lacks the ability to totally release and surrender to love.
God knows that those two make my heart race more than they make my dick hard, which is the kind of passion and companionship and love I want. Judy still does at times, when she comes out of the fog of depression and pill monsterness that has damaged her so much, and as a result us.

At least I know what I want....