Today was stressful and mildly productive. All day long I tried to get Alex to do things he was told to do, clean up messes he made, and when I get on to him Wickedy mitigates everything. You don't baby someone doing what they shouldn't or not what they should.
have a cold and kicking it, Sarah has one, Judy, too. But they are mild, and Judy keeps using everything as an excuse to do minimums, and makes me the bad guy for demanding my son do what he should do.
I wish Sarah would tell Judy what she really feels about me and tells her she thinks about what it would be like as a lover. She admits that she says what she does to her because of how complex friendships with people you like are and doesn't want to hurt her friendship with Judy, but if she came clean with Judy about how she is curious about getting physical with me and Judy was smart enough to see that adding Sarah wouldn't hurt but help us all, and I mean all. Alex and Sarah's girls, Judy, Sarah and I would all benefit.
It would make a functioning home and, even though unusual and complete, work well, because the two of them together would fix and support each other, fixing each other's weaknesses, and I would get what I need to have the will to go out and make shit happen. Right now everything has me so beaten down I am getting depressed myself. Judy just needs to shut up when it comes to Alex because her comments and actions validate his fighting and defiance, and she doesn't see it. If Sarah and Judy could both be honest and we all make one family the dynamics would solve much of what holds us all back.
Amanda met some Navy kid, and he seems okay enough, and I hope that helps her. It is funny how elements in people work and some don't, and it would be nice to install and delete those aspects like programs in a computer.
Consideration and compassion are the keys to happiness, but it is like a blind man reading to a deaf one. Gotta find some solution, because I do love my wife, but I need more than her how she is, and am at a point where I have to have what I want and know what works.
I still think Judy needs to get dressed up, go out solo, and get fucked stupid by something young and cute, so maybe she finds that lust desire aspect that every woman needs. I sleep alone and should, at least once a few weeks, get my dick sucked for the hell of and desire from my old lady. The failure of partners to just submit to will and put bullshit aside amazes me. It is why divorce is more common than lives lived as one.
In order...
I want my need for these things to be met:
Companionship, Friendship, Love, Romance, Lust
But I want them to be met in expression in reverse order.
The need is for companionship, which is the summit.
The need for lust is the valley....
but you make an ascent from the bottom up.
I want a woman who will come lead me by the hand to bed because of two reasons...
She wants some good lovemakimng and wants it from me.
She wants me and loves me and wants to express it by sharing pleasure with me.
Those things have to work together, at the same time.
And there are friendships I'd like to have an expression of sex to pass between, just for the fun of it like dancing or shooting a game of pool.
Denial of it is like starving someone, and it has to work in two directions, and not be tainted with discussion or mouth.
The expression should make the statements.