It looks like WalMart will finally settle after years of middle of the night parking lot noise, for $35 K maybe (?)... which means the farm in Carolina is much closer to being a reality. Judy knows I want to move Sarah and her girls with us, and I'd also like to have Amanda there, and her baby as well. Either one or both, I could deal with it and deal well, as a great father figure and decent old man. I'd like that, but don't think they will go that high, maybe $25 K. I just need enough to kickstart getting a farm or place like it.
I want that, deserve it, and it would work well, because it fits. I can give what I have a wealth of to women who can appreciate it, and that is what matters most in life anyway. On the outside I'm maybe a little older and heavier than most guys out there, but so is my love and ability to provide a good life to and with these women.
I have at least another 25 good years before I'm "old", which means Sarah would be near 50 and Amanda near 45 before I am "on the decline", and knowing a few men like me, that may be even ten years longer. So they would be near my age when I'm getting "old". and with the life change I intend to have the smoking cigs stopped and lose much of this weight, because I'll be back to being active again.
I think maybe I think of other women sometimes is because I think, know, that if Judy doesn't make some real habit changes she might not be alive in ten years.... That scares the hell out of me, is so frustrating. To watch someone you love so much not only be sick but make themselves worse, and always have an excuse as to why they can't change.
Won't stop smoking because I am demand-ding it, because she rebellious...
that's just plain stupid, and I am too because I keep quitting then smoking... but the stress and as long as she smoke around me I can't resist... my weakness, and I admit it... I can't blame her that I choose to smoke, but it is impossible to stop when siomeone always has them around you and cheats on rules like smoking outside or getting compromises on buying them for her. No real effort to change.
So now it is a matter of getting the farm and for them to see that what I say makes better sense than anything else. What they might be surprised to learn is that if they want boy toys that it isn't a problem with me. I love them because I love them, and for them all to be happy makes me happy, and when they see that it is this that sets me apart and above so many other guys, their love will flow back to me. I want women companions, who can be friends with each other and so we all can add the missing pieces that are in each of our lives. We all bring something good to the table. I want these extra women companions sadly because Judy can't or won't to a degree, and because I also deserve it. If Judy gave me that, I'd reward her for loving me enough to understand that's what i want and for giving it to me.
That's the problem with coming from different worlds and living with someone with such different opinions and values in those areas.
We fit so well in some ways and so not at all in others.

Well, got to get Alex up for school, and start my day.