Judy really can be a bitter old hag at times, and it's like she thrives on conflict, confrontation, and being an antagonist. That isn't me, I don't subscribe.
I need a woman who is easy-going, laid back and just wants to be loved and knows how to elicit love and warmth and reciprocates.
I think Judy needs time alone to learn how to appreciate me, because she takes me for granted and is mostly only kind when it serves or suits her.
I think you need to give that high level all the time, especially when you don't feel like it, because when you can give that effort, you get rewarded for it when you need it. She might do well for a few days at a time, but without it being more consistent it seems worthless. I hate seeing such talent wasted.
Hopefully WalMart will come through tomorrow with the settlement, because that will solve so many problems. But I intend to be a miser with that money, because it represents a whole new start. Cigarettes.... they will be gone, because I won't allow myself to be exposed to the stress that keeps me lighting up. I quit at New Years for a month, but that bitch, smoking in front of me while running her mouth....
It is my fault for smoking, but she is a factor that makes such control difficult.
And healthy foods, and lack of waste, and a return to recycling, and quiet...
sometimes nothing needs to be said and two people can communicate better in silence than any words would ever allow.
Sarah remains at a distance, and I think she understand my views on things, and I think with a move that she would be an asset and would greatly benefit in an extended tribe.

The only thing that holds any of us back is doubt and fear. This all isn't something I assume, it is something I know. And not just anyone can ever be free enough to just let life flow and love soar. I used to call it building Utopia. You don't find Utopia if you're looking for it, you make it by living it. When you relinquish the possession of a relationship you own the other person's heart more fully, because they in effect become an extension of you and you them. You complete each other, and you make a bond, and have real loyalty that isn't tied to dick and pussy and the false need for ownership of someone else. Judy doesn't grasp this, ecause she gets a preconception and holds fast to it, and if she could make that leap of faith she'd be able to be the wonderful happy person I see wanting so much to come out.
If you are ecstatic just to be in the company of someone you love and accept that gift, then you both get to enjoy what really matters the most.