Easter... Spring... rebirths...

It will officially be Easter in one hour.
But I can feel the rebirth starting. Judy is on three methadones a day because the emergency ones she got, well, 10 of them vanished. She and I both think it is Sarah, and that she acts from desperation, and she's addicted and without, and being around Chris and dealing with everything has made her sometimes do things she wouldn't if she was fixed. That might hurt her, and these words might, but reality is what it is, and we all are human, and we love her, because inside we both know how beautiful a person and great a mother she is. Most others would have fallen down way further. It is a wonder she can smile half the time with what she has to endure from Chris and her mother-in-law and life in general.
So forgive? I don't have to, just like I don't have to forgive Judy for fucking up her pills. You can't fault someone for what really is a sickness and a disease. You help them overcome it. That's just another reason to have both under one roof, because they can help each other be strong and that would take pressure off of me, and because, well with just a fraction of submission of allowing a man to take the lead a little, I can give them what they need from a man in love and companionship, that all of it together would just make life wonderful for all of us.
I'm in NO WAY saying I want a submissive puppet. On the contrary. I want them to let me run and fix and help with what I am good at, and in return I will submit to them, to their needs and even to their will somewhat. But the two of them together is what is best for them, and me, and the kids.
John betrayed Amanda, and is stealing from her, but the thing that is different is that at least Sarah tries and will work. John just drifts. No direction. Sarah at least is willing to work for it to a degree. She is in a trap, but John isn't, and that is the biggest difference.
But even I have fallen, so I can speak to this. I have regrets and have made mistakes, but that's okay because it allows me to understand and relate and be able and justified in offering advice.
Judy on three a day doesn't work that well, and I am still left with a stiff dick and no cuddles. I need and want both. I deserve both.
Judy just got up and asked me to be Easter Bunny this year. Guess it's off to SmallHeart (WalMart) to get goodies in about an hour.
And why is like fucking pulling teeth to get Alex to do his homework? He knows better! This is why my word has to be law. I demand that the right thing be done, and just now I am in an exchange with Judy over ice cream. I told her to write down what she wants and still the mouth about explaining it... damn you woman just write it down or don't expect me to get it. It is that defiance and her undermining me and questioning my authority in front of him that allows him to feel justified in fighting and her giving in all the time that makes him think he can bully his way with defiance. She is just so blind.
That is why men need to have the lead role when they are so suited. Not all men are. But that natural order to things that has been fucked up by women getting empowered and taking away a man's authority then not having the backbone to be strict when that needs to happen that has fucked up so many marriages and kids and families. A real man has a duty to honor and care for his family and wife, and the wife to be supportive and help guide, but it takes a type of teamwork that has vanished and the end result is a generation of kids with no respect for anyone or anything, who take everything for granted. I don't think many men know how to be good men anymore either. A real man can be strong and firm without being abusive, but it sucks when being strong and demanding gets called abusive and mean, and then kids learn that they don't have to follow rules or face consequences that things go so wrong.
If a kid mouths off at an adult who is deserving of respect they sometimes need their teeth knocked down their throats. Sometimes those ramifications for wrong acts are so needed. Even in the Bible with spare the rod spoil the child, this has been known for ages... but now you are a bad guy if you don't kiss their asses, even when they are wrong, and then what do you do. If Alex won't obey out of a desire to or love, then it will be out of respect, and if not out of that, then out of fear until it sinks in and he is respectful automatically. And you need a united front in that. I don't get that. Women need to let men run that when the man is able to and right in doing it. It is our job. I am progressive and fair, but damn it, you can't kiss their asses or let children have that kind of power over your family.
That's why I think the way things are in "modern" society are wrong. I can show how they don't work, and prove my points. That and people in general try to be so politically correct that everything winds up wrong. We have lost so much, and it is a fine line walking between being liberal and having conservative family values. Freedom stops when you infringe upon the rights of others. If someone infringes, that also means the right to kick their ass to get them in line, and defending against others being intruded upon.
It becomes a matter of responsibility.
But here I am, denied sexual release and the comfort of a loving embrace and being held as I sleep, and that is theft to me. If she won't, then she not only needs to allow someone else to provide that but should be arranging it. If not, it is stealing from me. I have only so many years on this earth and I am not one designed to be or happy sleeping alone. I won't divorce just because I don't have that, but I refuse to waste any more time living without it either, and even a night every once in a while with someone I like, love, and care about fills so many gaps.
That's a lack of respect as well. If people were more concerned about who they say they love instead of themselves everything would work so much better for everyone.
It's all just so frustrating....