Well, Judy "lost" or ran out of her pills again. I said looks like I have to control them and treat you like a child, and she was quick to say "yes, you do".
So now I have withdrawal I need you Judy, instead of functioning Judy. Then once she gets her pills again she will be arrogant I don't need you or anyone Judy. I would never have evolved into what I am now opinion wise if Judy had the ability to control herself where drugs are concerned. She gets mad when I crack fun at her side of the family having substance abuse problems, but if I don't crack fun at it all I'd go insane. Judy and Sarah need someone in their life to make sure they don't get away with letting drugs rule and destroy them, and they can help each other in ways I can't, and man they just have to relent and see the wisdom in the path I present.
Wisdom and the wild side isn't just the title of this journal, it is my mindset. I don't run for weed or booze or pills, but have to deal with the weaknesses of those around me. I have to fight and compensate for that all, and it makes me a bad guy at times, and wears me down. Our kids all deserve so much better. They shouldn't have to be subjected to pills and pill abusers and get shorted because their parents have those problems, or breathe in second hand smoke, or have any good thing subtracted because of vices and faults.
My life is vowed to my son, then to my wife, and I get so little of my dreams and desires and vices and things that are designed to simply pleasure me, and I can live denied to a degree, but there has to be some changes. So here we go, on the withdrawal roller coaster once again.
I want to have my cake and eat it too, true, but how is dealing with her withdrawals not even more of a betrayal? She betrays her whole family by that lack of responsibility and the complications. Then she reverts to justifications and excuses. I make no excuse. I want what I want because it will make me the best I can be and happy enough to be able to deal with everything that tears me down.
A least my vices do something positive for me, and as a result those who have to deal with me.
They enrich me, and then I can enrich other because I have more of a better me to give, not steal from my family, and hurt everyone around me.