Days Drag On

I'm still waiting to get our car back. I got the tranny, now it's just a matter of getting it in. Sqt. Pepper in quarantine, and I am totally pissed off. Wanda is a real asshole, and when people show their true colors sometimes they are simply worthy of disgust. And Sarah is still dealing with Bebo being a jerkoff to her, putting up with shit and chasing pills, just like Kenny said, like a cat going to a full bowl of food. She needs to get away from him and that house.
And worst of all Alex is just out of control. Judy has him so babied and spoiled and has mitigated and made excuses for so long he thinks he can get away with being lazy and having everyone do for and fix everything for him and that he doesn't have to work hard for anything. I try to explain things to Judy and get the normal "hush" and other evasive shit that I am so accustomed to. She fails to see, and used sick as an excuse to get away with lazy, and I am simply sick of the dysfunction I am surrounded by so much that I just want to pack up and go.
I need away from all of this shit before it kills me, and I don't care what happens to this house. I can't stand this house, or this city. Human sickness is normal here, and I am sad and depressed just knowing that I am stuck here for the time being. I have never seen a society so sick in so many ways, and I am well traveled. I should have followed my instincts a long time ago and got out. Now it is my only intention, my only goal. A move would fix so much. This just isn't how people were meant to live.
I know what I want and what I deserve, and I intend to have it. I'm not going to carry dead weight anymore either. If you ain't helping, you're hurting, and I refuse to be hurt by anyone or this life like this anymore.
We need to sell before we lose everything. If I had a family that helped me and didn't make so many life problems I could have had things so much better for all of us, and most of it revolves around Judy's depression. It has taken down this family. But try to tell her and get her to change ANYTHING is like trying to change the color of the sky. She admits no wrongs, ever, and there is such a lack of humility. What there is is someone depressed and slothy taking up couch space allowing the world to fall apart and wanting to talk about everyone's problems except her own. They never get addressed or changed. The good qualities don't always outweigh the bad ones, and I am sick of living with someone that is dead weight.
Sarah has her problems that way too, and I used to be an enabler and bang the drum and do more, but no more. I clean a thing and it gets nastier than it was when I first cleaned it with me being gone just a few hours. Alex destroys everything and she lets him and then instead of making him take responsibility I have to fight her because "he's having a hard time". So she kisses his ass and he now treats her like shit. So I put my foot down and he has an episode, and I am the bad guy, while she crumbles.
Then she talks about her good intentions. I can take those good intentions and a dollar and have to pay twice for the coffee it would buy. Good intentions without any real or with just half-hearted action don't amount to shit. I'm just fed up. I need out, now, before I lose everything or die from a stress heart-attack.
All my warnings, so unheeded, come true, and still she is too blind to see. I am sick of all of it and would rather lose everything than to spend my life with someone who thinks life is a free ride and just takes from me giving so little back.
She has fucked up Alex and doesn't see it.
He is the only reason I stay. I signed up for in sickness and in health, but not for stupidity or malice, and it feels like malice.
I used to be so happy and cheerful and carefree, and I blame her that that is gone for the most part. I want me back, and I will get back to me. Let her have to work again and start over like she did to me ten years ago for a year when she stole everything from me and betrayed me for pill people. it is that lack of humility and submission that goes with love that is her worst trait, and I can't do anything in the state she has brought us to by the steady creation of problems and lack of help for years now. I could list examples, like losing work for pill issues or other bullshit, like running to the store for hours when I needed the car, spending money I needed for supplies on bullshit that could wait, and simply just complicating life that I hate being here and am afraid to leave because some disaster will happen as soon as I'm gone, which includes her sleeping on the couch when she needs to be a mother.
No more excuses. I am resentful and I am starting to hate more than love, and I won't let anyone destroy that in me any more.