We're still in a war with the city to get Sqt. Pepper back. It's mostly due to bitch Wanda, who did a booty giggle dance floor thing from behind and Sarge bit her when I told her to get off of me. He was doing her job, and the bitch is fishing for money. I do know one thing. If that dog dies I seek vengeance, period.
Judy and I have been having better sex and more often. Night before last she gave me the best head she has in a while then fucked halfway decent. Still nowhere near what I want or in fulfillment of my abilities or desires, but a start. Tonight she said she was hurting, again, and I think she has created a lifestyle that sets herself and those around her up to fail. The house was a mess, and I get excuses, and Alex's room is a trash heap, and I get excuses, and dishes stay in the sink and dirty, and I get excuses, but the bitch can buy smokes, lay around, make bead necklaces, and watch t.v., while everything falls apart around us.
Every major bad thing that has gone wrong can be traced to her or my responses to her, and what she did or didn't do, and I'm the bad guy for demanding a higher standard. She has fucked up Alex and just doesn't see it.
And as for Sarah, she needs to get on the ball as well and stop hunting pills, and stop putting up with drug people and drugs in her house or the abuse her husband puts down on her. I hope Steph deals with her pill problem as well. Sarah also needs to come clean with Judy and tell her how she feels about us becoming one bigger family and that she is in love with me, loves Judy, and would like to have a three sided relationship just as much as I do. I asked her to deny she is in love with me to my face and she can't, and asked her to deny that she doesn't want me, and she won't. I think she is even curious about what it would be like with Judy, but I think for that I have to be there and a part of it, but if she just told Judy that she loves her and doesn't want to hurt their friendship but would like to share me and live with us as one family I think Judy might accept and even like the idea as well. I really don't want Sarah or any other woman without Judy. I also wish Judy would open up to a wilder side for herself. I'd love to just sit back and watch her have sex with someone else, man or woman. I thinkit would do her good.
The problem isn't in the heart or wishes of these two, but in the effort they make and the lack of judgment they use. Everything is so wrong, and they are both smothered by problems and depression and pills so much that they can't function, and if I am in a position where I can have some authority, like I do now with Judy's pills, then they will do better. Judy hasn't had any digestive problems since she went to 4 or 5 pills a day, and she motivates more. Sarah is starting, more and more, to sneak and act upon her disgust of Chris, but she needs to exercise the courage, like Judy would, to stand up to his shit. That is a strength Judy has, and Sarah has the submission that Judy needs. They have the aspects each lack to make a better woman out of each other, and together those qualities would transfer to each other better, and I would be a devoted lover and friend and companion to them both, and a better husband to my wife.
Like tonight, Judy shot me down, so if things were how I wanted I would sleep with Sarah, so I wouldn't be frustrated and resentful, so in the morning I'd be nicer and happier, and the same when Sarah says "not tonight". And some nights, both of them together would be just romantic and tender and warm and loving for all of us, and Judy, once she gets past the need to own and her insecurities, would find that the connection we could have with each other brings out the best in all of us, and she would be happier as well. Everyone assumes that a man would want another woman just for sex, but that's not it at all. That's the side benefit, because the dynamics of an expanded relationship would benefit everyone, because of what it offers.
I also think that both the girls would be turned on if either of them watched me with the other and would want in, and when our physical genders vanish and we relate to each other on our attributes, then what we could have could be absolute magic. If Judy gets off giving me head and loves watching me be pleasured and cum, then she should be able to enjoy that by sharing another woman with me, and when you add the love and goodness that has, and place it in the environment that Judy and I create, then my wife and I would both benefit from it. This stays on my mind because above any other change other than something for Alex's schooling and us moving, we need that change. Besides, I want to give Sarah's girls the father figure they deserve, and I like watching Judy with them because she'll never have a daughter, so all of us as one family fulfills those things, and would allow Sarah to have a safe environment and partners that love her, and Alex can be something like a son to her as well. It all just fits. The problems that we have suffered lately wouldn't be happening so often, because we could be watching out better for each other.
Besides, when you sit back and visualize both of them together, sexually and romantically, sharing lovemaking, I can't think of two women I would want to wake up with other than them.
The night when Judy gave me great head then a round two decent fuck I slept all night and woke better rested than I have been in a while. I have so much sexual energy and if it isn't properly released I just don't rest well. I think the move would make it happen, because I know Judy wants her living with us just as much as I do, but not with the same motivations I have, but I also think if she is with us that they will get so close that what I want will happen on it's own or at least without much effort. I just have to wait. I'd also love to watch Judy with another guy, knowing that I'm who he loves. She wonders why I get angry, but it is more frustration than anger.I am frustrated because I know what she has in her and what I get. I shouldn't have to be the one to start. I also wish she was the kind of woman who would masterbate, who wants and needs and like sex enough to make it more of a priority.